Posted 12:38 PM
Have I mentioned I love singing?

To a singer, the joy of singing comes in part from the act of letting that sound flow out, in part from the admiration of the audience. They're in completely interchangeable, flexible fluidity, and a singer can be satisfied with one or the other. There is a certain high from an applauding audience, but most of the joy of singing comes from simply being a part of the music, and as an instrument in producing the sound.

Music is my first love; it had actually taken up most of my capacity to love. It was forever giving, never neglected me except in times of flu and strepthroat; it nurtured me and made my turbulent times acceptable and even at times enjoyable. When music gave me a chance to soar I gave all my time to it and discarded everything else in my life so I could be a part of it. It was an obssessive, all consuming love.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing - if I had it then I wouldn't have done what I had done, but if I hadn't then I wouldn't have this hindsight now, would I? I'm not going to reread that. But with hindsight in mind, I never should have pursued any relationships. I was already in love.