|
Saturday, September 14, 2002
Posted
10:37 AM
I look like an experiment gone wrong. My arms are covered in red pokadots and my legs are the same. Rashes and hives galore. This isn't like an alcohol rash or anything like that at all - usually those goes away within the hour and I don't even get a hangover out of it. This will probably be with me at least til the end of today. It must've been that ham and cheese sandwich I ate last night with the excessive amounts of mayo.
I feel completely washed out and dated like an old pair of jeans thrown in the wash with a bag of rocks. Had maybe an hour of sleep before waking up much too early and not getting up early enough. Too much on my mind. There's a lot of things I'd rather not say, but I'm simply worried about a person I love.
Trust in God.
And I remind myself that God is a being who killed Job's sons, made him lose his property, left a wife to taunt him, to let him suffer in misery just because the devil made a bet with him. Not for a moment did he reassure Job; he took away everything Job ever had to prove a point that his faithful servant will always be his faithful servant. And so what if everything was returned to him? There was no reason why Job had to go through that. It's like a child plucking away at an ant's body. Let's see if it'd die if I take away this leg. And now this leg. And now this antennae. As a born bhuddist, I cannot see what that accomplished at all. "Trust in God" never helped me because I refuse to leave my life to a higher jurisdiction. It is a late Roman idea and a culture that needed to subordinate itself to something. A general, an emporer, a God.
All we can do as the people we are, in order to reach a higher plane and be better spirits, is to help and to be kind and do what we can to make life better for other people. There is no anger in the bhudda. Though we may not be able to admit it, there is plenty of anger in God and there is wrath in God and his chosen were often forsaken. Jesus himself cried on the cross - Oh Lord, why has thou forsaken me?
Of course, there is always the argument that He knows all and He knows what is best and He knows what He's doing and He has a purpose in everything. But do we blindly follow in His teachings and ignore all that we have gathered about ourselves? Do we ignore our ideals, ideas and knowledge and compare it to the imcomparable omnipresent power of God? Look at the Creationists taking the bible as "proof" and bending all the rules in natural history to suit their beliefs. The Gospels were all written at least 50 years after the death of Christ and the kindness idea wasn't introduced into the Gospel until that time. Being a skeptic and an interest in actually history can really put a damper on your religious studies. The Christian God is a wrathful, revengeful, proud God who will not easily forgive. We are created in his image after all, and He has all the faults that we own.
When I love I make the effort to give the reassurance so that every moment that passes that person will know that I love him/her. It should not be a question matter and there should never be a moment of doubt. He lets his love be doubted by his own son and left him to die for the sake of the people. The more faith you have in God the more likely He is to leave you alone because He would know your strength in him. The less faith you have the more he coddles you and leads you on your journey.
Human civilizations have again and again used the Christian faith to delve in their twisted conquests. Western religion have caused more bloodshed in the world than anything - not the conquest for power, but conquest for the glory of God. Columbus wanted to sail to the "indies" to find the gold enough that he can lead a crusade against the Turks and take back Constintinople; he wanted to spread to gospel to the "Indians" and all he succeeded in is a massive genocide. At the commence of WWII Hitler made laws to segregate the Jews and the Christians so that the Christians will not be "tainted" with Jewish ideas. Is the world better for it? Is the world better for the crusades? Can we, as Christians, tell the Jewish people that their faith would've been any different if they converted to Christianity? That their parents/grandparents would not be gassed like flocks of sick cattle in the holocaust?
Thursday, September 12, 2002
Posted
11:08 PM
Thinking about starting a new blog so Iris would have some idea of what I do with my day - combing the internet for work, really.
I've been very quiet lately. To set the record straight, and since they're not willing to actually talk to each other, here's the deal.
It's not a fact, actually, I think it started with their opinion of each other. Iris thinks Eric doesn't like her, and Eric thinks Iris doesn't like him. So naturally they decided that they both didn't give a damn and decided they don't like each other. Confusing? Stupid? Maybe nobody else thinks so but I do.
Honestly when they went up to Barrie together they did fine...and then add me in the picture and all hell breaks loose.
Here's another one. They both think the other person have too much hold on my life. For example, Eric thinks that Iris runs my life, and Iris thinks that I spent too much time with him and therefore he runs my life also. I guess I just don't have a say in the matter because if the above is true I really don't own myself. Actually, come to think of it I basically gave up my life to music years ago so off goes that theory. If this goes on I'll join the Disney Tokyo cruiseline or something and act Mulan at their shows.
I feel like I have a stereo around my head. They both speak and are unwilling to communicate and all I hear is "what did he/she say about me." Well you know something they say basically the same things about each other.
Reminds me of Dad and I really. The reason why dad and I don't get along? We're both headstrong and stubborn and refuses to give in to each other's whims. People who are alike simply don't get along very well. Especially two strong people...well I guess that is why I love them but if that's the way it's going to be forever I think my head would burst.
Wednesday, September 11, 2002
Posted
4:48 PM
Eric brought me a McD's combo and ate with me at work.
Going to McD's has been a family tradition. Back in 1988 there was a huge World cup glasses promotion. My mom bought me a Brazil glass and we watched the game and I was hooked - I still cheer for Brazil to this day. I remember when they first introduced chicken McNuggats and collecting all the toys.
Mom would tell me all these memories she had with dad when things were good between them. They would share a chocolate shake at McD's (back when they would separate if you leave it sitting around too long) and talk for hours on end. He never had money to take her out, but she never minded. She was happy with whatever he chose to offer her.
I don't think she ever mentioned to him that she didn't like chocolate shakes. As far as I remember, mom always ordered a strawberry shake for herself.
Tuesday, September 10, 2002
Posted
1:29 AM
Thought I'd throw this in for fun. If I piqued your curiousity, you can look it up at Katie Scrolls.
Si hoc legere scis nimium eruditionis habes.
Monday, September 09, 2002
Posted
11:58 PM
I haven't really been home since Friday afternoon - it's weird really, running around in the 40's. That's what it really is, running around in the 40's. I've been living in the past for the past 4 years. Jenny and Melissa and I had a talk about it once - we can't possibly grow up normal when we've been doing this show business thing since our teenage years.
Let's recount the silly things we have done:
1. Put on a 40's style radio show. Blue Champagne was a great experience, but the whole thing was so ridiculous - even after we revised it, it still is absolutely ridiculous - that it was an amazing feat for us to have pulled it off. We had costumes made and our hair and makeup done; we were exhausted and hot and exasperated but we pulled through.
2. Did the Rising Star competition. We were a "variety" group, in our case the "hi-fi singers" circa Manhattan Transfer. We coordinated our outfits and wore little matching scarves and stole most of the choreography off of an 80's Manhattan Transfer video.
3. Did a broadway show for the CNE. We didn't quite get the fact that it was for little kids and since Broadway is and always will be uncensored, our songs were full of "sons of bitches" and other profanities. As I strut across the stage shaking my bottom in a little black dress, bow tie and top hat singing All That Jazz, I wonder how I got myself there in the first place.
4. Forever Young Lifestyle and Travel Show. I think the pictures are still there. Sophie and I were sitting in a parking lot in Missisauga, wearing layered poodle skirts and sweaters with scarves in 35 celcius weather, and then to stand in front of old Thunderbirds. Our pictures were on the cover of the Forever Young newspaper and it was in every shopper's drug mart. We did a 30 minute 50's segment in poodle skirts. I wore red and green...looking like a christmas tree.
Sunday, September 08, 2002
Posted
6:29 PM
Did the Kingsway festival yesterday afternoon, half expecting Patrick to show up. It was a strange relief that he didn't. I sold 7 CDs single handedly to a small audience. I was quite proud of myself.
Alessandro informed me of a booksale going on down the street so I followed. It so happens to be a library booksale! I love those things. All the books were being sold for less than 50 cents, and I picked up a huge stack of 8 books. 2 of them for Iris, 6 for me.
|